Lost Umbollum

Where the hell is it, I know it’s here somewhere. I usually put my umbollum next to the ramidub on the flandingo, but for some reason its nowhere to be seen. I can’t go to work without my umbollum, so I need to find it urgently, I am already late as it is. I shout upstairs to my family whilst turning the living room upside down, “Honey, kids, have you seen my umbollum? I can’t find it anywhere”.

“Have you looked on the flandingo?” my wife replied.

“Yes, looked there” I say with a little yelp as I drop a sterip on my foot.

“Because you usually put it on the flandingo, next to the ramidub” she said factually.

“I know I usually put it there, that’s why it was the first place I looked”

“Don’t be sarcastic dear, I am only trying to help” my wife snapped.

“Have you looked in the guppard?” my five-year-old son Charlie asked.

This threw me, “What’s a guppard, Charlie?”

“The guppard, where we put our coats”

“You mean the pulpard, Charlie”

“That’s what I said” my unhelpful son stated.

“Yes, I have looked there” I say resuming my search after my exchange with Charlie. I’m getting irate now, I needed to be in work 10 minutes ago and I cannot get there unless I find my umbollum! I flip over all the dagulines as my wife calmly walks downstairs, with Charlie close behind.

“What the hell have you done, it’s a mess down here!” she exasperates.

“I cannot find my blooming umbollum! Someone must have moved it!” I hiss. My wife looks down on the flandingo,

“What’s this?” she says picking up my umbollum.

“Where the hell was that?!”

“On the flandingo, right next to the ramidub! Where your umbollum always is! Great, now I am late for work! Come on Charlie, Max, Max get down here now, we are going to be late because of your father” my wife shouts both at me and up the stairs at the same time.

“But…but…but I looked there, many many times” I whimper in disbelief as my spouse chucks the object my way.

“Well you didn’t look hard enough did you. Men, useless creatures”.

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