Snooker Hall

It’s not a place you would usually associate with flirting, the snooker hall, but that’s exactly what seems to be happening here…and with me of all people! I have to admit, I am not someone who has a good history with the opposite sex. In fact, I don’t think I have ever actually encountered flirting before, so now that I have this absolutely stunning woman staring, smiling and winking at me while I am getting down to line up a shot has taken me by surprise (to say the least). The room is dark so I cannot make out every detail, I can see she has vibrant red waved hair, a bright red fitted top and a pair of jeans. She winks my way again, I check around me to make sure she isn’t doing it at someone else, why on earth would she be looking at me, a slightly overweight, very mediocre, amateur snooker player. Granted I probably look like Brad Pitt compared with most of the other specimens in here, but still the question remains, why is she flirting with me? I get down for my next shot and she is licking her lips while slowly tweaking the tip of her snooker cue, I mean I was rubbish before so I don’t need that kind of distraction; unsurprisingly I miss my shot. I stand up disappointed, I hit my cue on the floor and hope that my new admirer didn’t see my terrible miss. I glance up to see she is no longer stood by her table, but walking this way purposefully. She seems to be walking over in slow motion, like one of those commercials. All my other snooker peers are gawking at her as she confidently struts my way, they seem just as shocked as I am. She walks right up to me, grabs my neck and zeros in on my lips…I am pretty sure it was the worst kiss she has ever had.

“Wanna go pot your balls in my hole?” she assuredly states to me dragging me to the exit before I could answer. Granted, it was a horribly cheesy line, but I wasn’t about to pull her up on that, she is probably the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I can see that everyone I am pulled past is so shocked at what’s happening, some of them go to clap me I think. Before I know it she has dragged me around the back of the snooker hall and towards the car park where I assume she has parked her vehicle. She stops and pins me against the wall to have another kissing session, I think I did better this time (better lip action I believe). My elation is cut short by a searing pain in my abdomen, followed by warm wet thick liquid oozing out of my stomach, from my new slit that this beautiful woman just so lovingly gave me. She is smiling at me while still locked onto my face, as my horrified face pants and cries, shocked beyond words. I cannot see her smile because she is still attached to my lips, but I can see the elation in her eyes, they are smiling as well. She maintains her smile and slowly backs away from the kiss, she raises her knife wielding arm and slashes my throat from left to right. I collapse to my knees holding my throat, trying to keep in all the blood I can before it splutters out of my body. My shoulder resting on her thighs as I splutter and stain her tight-fitting jeans. I turn my head to see her beaming face, she is so happy to see me like this.

“I bet you’re wondering why I did this aren’t you?” she queries, knowing that I cannot reply, “well, do you remember when I walked in to the snooker hall, you looked at me funny. You judged me” I tried to shake my head in a ‘no’ movement, but any movement released more blood from my gash. “You did, don’t try and deny it, I saw you. Soooo, I decided to kill you, there and then. One less man in this world I say, can only be a good thing”, said in such a way that she truly believed she was in the right…she’s crazy! “Buuuttttt, if I am honest, I was always going to kill someone today, I wore my killing top you see, so you were a bit unlucky in a way. You were just there, no hard feelings?” she holds out her hand for me to shake it, I obviously don’t oblige. “No, fair enough, you want to be rude that’s up to you. Men, such horrible rude creatures. Anyway, I will say my goodbyes, sorry about killing you. Oh, and do you know what, you were actually quite a good kisser”. She swivels to her left after blowing me a kiss and catwalks away to her car, I slump to the ground as I lose almost all my blood. My vision blurs as I begin to lose consciousness, my last sight on this planet watching that woman, that beautiful woman drive away…they say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die, it doesn’t, all I saw was the pavement, the back of the snooker hall and the spray of the grit from the tyres of her car as she sped away…before I…go…

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