The Bagpipe

I get rudely awoken by my blower, every bloody morning he does this you know. Opens my roof, letting the bright morning sunlight in, my holes squinting from the bright rays. He swoops down and grabs me up, I am all floppy from the sleepiness (he never gives me time to wake up so what does he expect). I flop around like a dead salmon as he grapples me into position, shoving my body under his armpit and swinging my limbs up around his head. I sometimes like to give his face a slap with my extremities, that’ll teach him to wake me up so abruptly every morning. He grabs my nose, takes a deep breath and blows directly into it, I never understood why this man takes so much pleasure in blowing into my nose holes. I mean, I wouldn’t want to blow up my blowers nose, its just plain weird. But anyway, he enjoys it bless him so who am I to stop him (whatever floats his boat). My body pumps up as the air gets forced up my snozzle, I must admit, this really does wake me up and…I LOVE IT. So much so that I let out a bit cry of joy! I FEEL ALIVE:waaaayyyhyHYHYHYHYHYHYHYH!!! My joyous shout starts off low but gets louder the plumper I get. My blower now starts my favourite part of the day, the massage. He cracks my back by trapping me under his arm and pushes downwards on my air filled body, I let out even bigger cries of joy when he does this. The louder I get the more he does it: bliss. Covering my arm holes he restricts the escape of air, meaning a better massage. This bloody bloke is a massage genius! This continues for a good 5 minutes before he takes a break, I stop my shouting when he does this, mainly to let him know that I want him to do it again…and again. My neck has been pretty sore recently so I could do with A LOT more massages. And thank the lord, he starts up again, I bloody love this man…waaayhyHYHYHYHYH!!!! Ahhhhhh!

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